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Seeing Privilege in “The Busy”

Laurel Valdez

Lately, life has been busy!

I’ve been juggling three kiddos in two different schools, biz is picking back up with the end of summer, PTO is in full swing, after school activities and kids’ birthday parties keep our schedule full, and sprinkle in other outings and commitments with friends and family.

At times, it feels like I never get a break.

But then alas… quotes like these appear on my social…

“What a privilege to be tired from work you once prayed for. What a privilege to feel overwhelmed by growth you used to dream about. What a privilege to be challenged by a life you created on purpose. What a privilege to outgrow things you used to settle for.”

~ @entrepreneurshipfacts

THIS really hit home for me.

YES, I DO think we need to factor in time for rest.

Absolutely.

But these kids I once prayed for, I have… and I am grateful.

The business I dreamt of creating is here and happening… and I’m proud of what it’s becoming.

Being a part of a group that allows me to see my kids’ regularly throughout the school day and know their teachers and staff fills my cup.

Having others to visit and places to go… brings me joy and fulfillment.

So yes, even though it all seems like a little much sometimes, seeing it as a privilege truly does shift the perspective a bit.

What about you?

What in your life tends to feel draining, yet is something you once hoped for?

What tends to exhaust you…

Yet also gives you a sense of purpose?

What upcoming plans do you have that you truly wish you hadn’t committed to…

But you know those connections and experiences give you a sense of belonging?

Try shifting the perspective…

Schedule in some time for rest…

And see how different this upcoming week can look and feel for you.

Believing in us, always.

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This Is It

Laurel Valdez

When I was a kid, I loved listening to Delilah on the radio.

I was a new driver in high school when I heard her say something along the lines of this:

Everyone’s always waiting for SOMETHING to finally be happy. Once I graduate college, THEN I’ll be happy. Once I pass this test, THEN I’ll be happy. Once I get married, THEN I’ll be happy. Once I get pregnant, THEN I’ll be happy. Once my kids are older, THEN I’ll be happy.

As a 16 year old, those words changed my perspective on how I chose to live my life…and have resonated in my mind repeatedly any and every time I have similar thoughts.

The entire point Delilah was trying to make here… 

Is the fact that we’ll never be satisfied in life if we keep waiting for things to be over to be content.

There will always be something new we take on.

New challenges, new life experiences, and some… may not have even been in our plans.

I hear it often as a coach and friend.

People believe that once their current stresses are over, they’ll be able to “relax”.

I’m very honest in saying…

NOT REALLY! 😉

There will always be something new to figure out.

So what’s my point!?

We have to learn to live and enjoy our life NOW… not “WHEN”.

THIS IS IT!

THIS is your life.

And it’s happening to you… right now.

Every day that you wait for things to pass…

It’s just another day you’ll never get back.

And yes, don’t get me wrong…

The tedious tasks and driving kids to and from activities can become a lot…

And sure, not always “fun”.

But it is my belief that not everything has to be “fun” to have purpose and meaning.

Use those boring tasks and driving opportunities to bond with your kids…

Or send kind thoughts or prayers to loved ones while you do dishes or fold laundry.

Maybe you are going through a rough time, and you DO believe you’ll be happier when it’s over..

That’s fair, and valid…

But also consider how you can enjoy life NOW, even still.

Days, weeks, months, and years FLY by. ESPECIALLY as we get older.

And I have noticed that many people around my age – midlife –  are in the season of “the big rush”…

We’re all just focused on rushing to the next thing and checking things off the list…

But are we connecting with our kids and/or those around us?

Are we making memories?

Are we leaving an impact?

Are we having tough conversations?

Are we taking time to ask questions and allow others to feel seen and heard?

Are we remaining kind, even in our busy and clouded states of mind?

These things matter…

And they don’t need to be set on the back burner until whenever “THEN” arrives.

Living in the present can be very hard…

Especially if we’re not used to doing it.

But I challenge you to practice it this week.

Start with catching yourself and noticing when you do look forward to something ending to enjoy life.

Make a mental note to acknowledge a quality moment with a friend or loved one…

Give those hugs…

And have those chats.

Your life is happening now.

And it’s ready for you to LIVE it.

Believing in us, always.

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Prioritize Yourself!

Laurel Valdez

For nearly 12 years, I have focused the majority of my time and energy on my kids.

Sure, Dan and I will go on dinner dates from time to time, but unless a grandparent is visiting, we’re always home in time for bed…

Until August 30th.

As ridiculous as this sounds, that particular Saturday felt magical to me.

Heading downtown Chicago with friends…

Late at night…

To spend the evening letting loose and seeing The Lumineers.

Truly euphoric feels.

Music is my love language.

Since a young age, it has touched my heart and soul.

To be so fully immersed for the first time in years reminded me of who I am – mom aside.

So I’m curious…

When’s the last time you did something solely for you?

Something that allowed a magical wave of calm and joy to wash over you?

When’s the last time you prioritized your significant other? Went away with friends? Or did something without your kids?

Being a mom is such a beautiful privilege….

I love my kids deeply…

And…

In order to fill them with love and light, I have to be full of it myself.

My Friends, this concert fueled me up.

If you’ve been feeling down, bored, lonely, or just plain blah…

Think up what once brought you immense joy, and plan for that!

Put it on the calendar.

We plan for so much as parents, but we often forget to plan for ourselves.

It may be hard to imagine now…

But one day…

Our kids will be out and on their own.

And we’ll have to figure out life without them.

Start now!

Get curious, uncover your passions and desires, and prepare for your future!

We do it for our kids…

And we’d be wise to also do it for ourselves.

Believing in us, always.

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Lessons in Perspective

Laurel Valdez

Yesterday, while at a good friend’s birthday party…

My middle little and I sat down with a couple other mamas and started chatting.

When moving back from Houston came up, one of the moms asked about how we liked it.

I talked about how it grew on me over the years… but was hot…tends to flood a lot.

My Eva… 

She went down memory lane!

“Remember in Houston we had a fenced in yard? It was huge!”

I always thought it to be quite small.

“And my brother and I, we used to have these pools… and we’d fill them so high they’d be up to my neck!”

They were clear plastic bins from the container store.

“And we’d play music, and blast it so loud!… and we’d throw water balloons as hard as we could along the fence, and they’d SPLASH EVERYWHERE!”

I honestly did that simply to buy some time as I’d clean up and get dinner ready.

While actively listening to my beautiful child… 

One of the mamas noted that E has a great memory… and really positive memories as well.

I found this entire moment beautiful and eye-opening on many levels.

For one, thinking back on those times… I was so tired.

Yes, there were many moments I enjoyed hearing happy giggles and took a second to smile at their joy and happiness… but very rarely did I pause to just sit, watch, and take it all in.

I also always felt the need to be going!… 

Taking the kiddos all over the place!… 

I often still do.

But as you can see, based on E’s retelling of her 3s and 4s… 

She wasn’t mentioning the multiple trips to the children’s museum or the zoo…

She was admiring our relatively tiny yard, clear plastic bins of water, music, and balloons.

THESE are the moments that stuck with her and make her smile today.

On the flip side, this wonderful mama!…

Actively listening and asking questions.

I didn’t realize it until that moment, but very rarely… 

Especially when other adults are around… AND our own kiddos… 

Do we stop to give other kids our full, undivided attention…

And allow them to be seen and heard.

Beautiful memories are one thing…

But as a 9 year old…

To share, and be seen and heard in the midst of a busy party…

Now THAT is something! 

And E’s reactive smile to this kind mama’s words was proof she agreed.

This beautiful encounter gave me two new focuses this week…

  1. I want to focus on the simple. The tiny, fleeting moments that provide true connection, belly laughs, and smiles.
  2. I want to continue focusing on these young kids. It’s more important today than ever before that they understand how to connect, communicate, and feel seen and heard.

The thing is… these two things are so basic… 

But they’re not easy.

Our busy lives make it incredibly hard to justify prioritizing connection and conversation.

But let’s be honest…

Those two things… ESPECIALLY when it comes to these beautiful young kiddos…

Are of utmost importance!

And truth be told…

The days may seem long…

But man, are these years short! 

Believing in us, always! 

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Reflect.Rethink.Refresh.

Laurel Valdez

Every August, as a new school year begins…

I always use this time to reflect on my own life, and take it as an opportunity for a refresh…

A “new beginning”.

For me, as a business owner, I have big goals this school year.

I plan to reach more people, plan more events that are powerful and impactful…

Lead more book groups…

And take on more 1:1 clients.

That being said, I am the type of human who desires to see it all come to fruition now.

Anyone else!?

As I was going through my work bag this past week…

I came across a quote I wrote down a couple years ago while listening to an Eddie Pinero podcast…

“Stop looking up at the mountain, and look down at the very next step.”

How fitting and timely, huh?!

Now, whether you’re in the midst of an entrepreneurship journey or simply life…

I feel compelled to remind us all that as much as we desire the end result…

Truly… as corny as this sounds…

It really is all about the journey.

Each little new idea, each win…

They all ignite a fire within us that keeps us excited and living.

Without those little sparks…

Those jolts of hope…

We tend to get stuck.

In addition…

We need to have a plan…

And we need to have a “why”.

That being said… I wanted to provide some questions here that I use not only with 1:1 clients to help ignite desire for their season of life… but for myself as well!

You can simply think through them…

Or better yet…

You can get out a pen and paper, and jot down your answers.

Never underestimate the power of getting serious about what you want!

1. If you could snap your fingers, and get whatever you wanted in the next 90 days, what would that look like for you?

2. Let’s say these 90 days have passed, and you have _______, ______, and ______. What do you see, and how do you feel?

3. And how would this make a difference in your life, and in the lives of other important people in your life, if you got this outcome?

These few questions will get the juices flowing.

And you may even choose to keep journaling, brain dumping, or making note of what comes to mind.

These tiny exercises are crucial to keeping us focused and impactful in our day to day lives.

So I strongly encourage you to sit down, and give this little exercise a try.

And if you feel compelled to share…

Feel free to comment to this post, or send me a message or email at laurelvcoaching@gmail.com. 

Believing in us, always. 

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Reflections, Farewells, and Transitions

Laurel Valdez

As far as summer breaks go…

Never have we ever experienced one that flew by so.freaking.fast.

I truly feel like we JUST got on break (my kids do, too ;))…

But alas, in two days… they return.

This summer was bittersweet for me.

It was different from summers of the past.

G was a bit more independent as he’s heading into middle school…

E was focused on friends…

And even my smallest was a bit more free and friend-driven.

Whereas summers of the past had us booked to the brim daily with outings and adventures as the 4 of us…

This summer had my kids wanting more laid back down time and friends joining along the way.

As beautiful as this is…

I feel the transition deeply.

I have had to accept that my “babies” are no longer babies.

My kids are getting to the point where they don’t need their mom to entertain them 24-7.

They still enjoy it…

But, there is definitely a shift.

And I’ve had to work on embracing this new season with them.

Although it’s natural to feel a bit emotional during shifts and changes…

I’ve chosen to fall more into the gratitude bracket.

I’m so very thankful my kids WANT to socialize.

I’m appreciative that they love sharing their stories and ideas with me.

I value each and every deep conversation…

Which happens to be mostly at bedtime. 😉

I savor more than ever the “I love you, Mom”…

And the snuggles and hugs.

I have to smile at the idea of once believing as our kids get older…

They need us less.

They may not need to be fed, changed, and regularly monitored…

But I have found that more than ever…

They need to know I’m there for them.

So Friends…

Those of you with kiddos in this transition…

Going from littles to bigs…

Entering the world where they realize not everything is butterflies and rainbows…

And noticing there is bad with the good…

I encourage you to lean in more than ever…

Be thankful and grateful for the work you’ve done as the parent to lead you up to this point…

And remind yourself to simultanteously allow your kids to experience the world for themselves…

While also allowing them to know you are always there for them…

Whenever desired.

We’ve got this, Parents! 🙂

Believing in us, always.

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What Is Meaningful to You?

Laurel Valdez

The summer before my senior year of high school…

We moved an hour from where I grew up.

Seeing as though it was my final year with friends I’d been with forever, the last thing I wanted to do was change schools.

And so I used my dad’s address, and committed to finishing where I started.

As thankful as I was to be able to do this, that was one of the busiest and trying times of my life!

This decision required me to wake up at 4:30am on school days, drive an hour + through all kinds of Chicago burbs weather, complete a typical day of HS… including some before and after school practices for show choir and other performances… work at a daycare after school, followed by an hour + drive home… where I’d quickly eat something… GO TO THE GYM TO WORKOUT!!!, come home to do my HW, and maybe get in 5-6 hours of sleep, if lucky, before doing it all again.

I look back at that time, and am in awe of just how much I committed to.

And I couldn’t help but ask myself…

Why?!

The reason…

Because it was important to me!

It was comfort, friends, teaching, and health.

Everything I committed to held great meaning.

And it was worth every second of the effort.

This past weekend, I spent some time with my kiddos and family in the town I moved to during my senior year of HS…

The town I barey remember living in…

Because I was hardly there.

I was amazed at how in awe of this city I’ve become…

Now that I’m no longer 18… and a kid.

I found myself admiring the trees, the people, the beautiful farm lands, the fair, and the farmer’s market.

I sat back and thoroughly enjoyed kicking off my flip flops as I planted myself in the grass, took in some folk music, watched the kiddos play, and sipped my iced coffee.

I truly felt blissfully content… 

Why?

Because what is meaningful to me has shifted in the last 20 years.

What this small town charm provides me now…

It just wasn’t important to me when I was 18.

But it’s immensely important to me now.

I share this to say…

The things that are meaningful to us in life will shift.

It all depends on our age, and season of life.

However…

Core values typically remain rather intact.

I still continue to love people… and music… and beautiful memory-making moments.

I don’t take for granted spending time with those I love.

I still find myself quickly agreeing to drive miles in order to have a good time.

I encourage you to reflect on what is currently meaningful to you.

What meanings have shifted?

What core values seem to have remained intact?

Lean into those core values.

They truly are eye-opening…

And have the potential to make your life exponentially better when you honor them.

Believing in us, always!

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Gratitude on The Farm

Laurel Valdez

We’ve been visiting my parents’ farm every summer for years…

Since before Dan and I had kiddos.

Our kids who are now 11, 9, and 7… started visiting as babies…

And metaphorically speaking, so did we.

With each and every yearly summer visit… 

I notice tiny differences and shifts.

The older cousins want to do things on their own…

Everyone – kids and adults – enjoy some peace and quiet.

The kiddos are more independent.

And we’re all OK doing our own thing from time to time.

Although there are mild changes each year…

It brings me so much joy to see the priorities that remain the same.

Where the children in all of us come out to say hello.

It’s in the giggles and screams during night games… 

The competitive rounds of bags… 

Night swims… 

Go-kart races…

And Kubota rides.

We may all be getting older…

But the farm seems to remind us all that we’re still kids at heart.

And what a special place to have the power to do that!

For me personally… 

I spent much of this past visit choosing to be observant and grateful.

I cherished my early morning wake-ups with my pup, where I had hours to sit on the beautiful Papa-created deck, and enjoy my coffee, doggy snuggles, and early morning bird songs.

I smiled at realizing my parents’ goal of turning their home into “Utopia”…

A place where everyone can’t wait to visit…memories are made… and joy is had…

Has been accomplished.

And to think… they’re still going! 🙂

Love is a verb.

It is an action.

And the efforts that are made on all accounts…

The travel…

The time off work…

The presence of all 15 of us each year…

The never-ending efforts the grandparents put into these summer visits to make them the most memorable time of the year…

THAT is love.

And it is felt.

I will admit…

It’s easy to get nostalgic for what once was…

However…

I encourage us all to be grateful for the past…

While simultaneously basking in what is happening in the present.

Although it may look different now…

There is always something to be grateful for.

You just have to look around with the right lens.

Believing in us, always.

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My Boyfriend & I

Laurel Valdez

Every summer…

Our family gathers at my parents’ in Iowa.

This is something that we all look forward to, all year long.

A few weeks ago…

I received a call from my mom (while I was driving – so, the kids could hear)…

Sharing a new idea where all the grandkids come to the farm first…

And the parents meet them a week later.

My kids upon hearing this question?…

Ecstatic! 

“OMG MOM… YES YES YES!!!”

Despite schedule conflicts and all the questions and thoughts flowing through my head…

I had to admit…

What an amazing opportunity for these kiddos!

I ended up moving my youngest’s birthday party up a couple days…

And on July 12th, their Papa braved the 6.5 hour train ride back to IA… with 6 grandkids! 

Now, everyone kept asking me what I was going to do with my time…

And don’t you worry, I created quite the to-do list!… ;)…

HOWEVER…

My consistent reply was…

“Dan and I are gonna date.”

And that is just what we’ve been doing.

Patio lunches, live music, cooking together, visiting the gym, walking our dog, smooth-going errands… 

We’ve simply been ENJOYING each other.

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I have to tell you, it’s all been a blessing in disguise.

We all love our children – of course!

They become our world.

But as this happens…

We often forget about the person we were… pre-kids…

We forget about the couple we were…

Before so much of the focus goes to parenting those kiddos.

Having this incredible opportunity to focus my energy on my husband…

To have the uninterrupted moments to not only hear him…

But truly listen.

Sharing in common interests without having to take anyone elses’ into account… 

It’s been such an unexpected gift to our marriage.

A gift that has reminded me…

We DO have something special…

And we DO like being together.

It makes me look forward to our empty nester days…

Knowing that we still have a great time, just the two of us.

My encouragement today…

Don’t forget to date your person!

We can’t all have a week without our kids…

BUT… 

Date!

Make time to talk.

Ask for help – so you can.

Because one day…

God willing…

It will be just the two of you…

And my goodness…

By making the time to tend to and nurture your relationship NOW… 

You’ll be that much more able to reap the rewards in the future! 

Believing in us, always.

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Make Every Day Count

Laurel Valdez

This week, a family member unexpectedly passed away.

This makes the third person, under the age of 50, to unexpectedly pass away in the past three months.

Death is such a crazy occurrence…

It’s the one thing that happens to all of us… eventually…

But everytime it happens, it does something to those of us who remain.

It reminds us that we’re not immortal…

And that death can take any of us… any day.

We all believe we’re the exception when it comes to death.

That sure, it will happen one day, but way down the road.

It’s hard to accept it could happen to any of us, at any moment.

So we keep on with our robotic days…

Checking things off the endless to-do list…

Holding onto grudges with friends, family, and loved ones…

Ignoring our kids as we spend hours scrolling the phone…

Neglecting to take care of our minds and bodies… 

Always thinking…

One day, I’ll do better.

Friends…

The entire point of THIS blog entry… 

Is to strongly encourage you to DECIDE to do better NOW.

No day is promised.

And man…

Have I been so unfortunately reminded of this time and time again over the past several years.

Please allow this to be your reminder!…

To be present…

Get curious.

Ask questions…

Admire the beauty around you, in every moment.

Be grateful.

Be kind.

We cannot control when our time will come…

But we can control what we choose to do with the time we have left on this earth.

My wish for us all today…

Is that we choose wisely…

And that we end each day feeling proud of the hours we’ve just experienced.

Believing in us, always.